


i'm gonna get on my knees (would you kick me in the face please?)

by reformedcharacter



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Based on Speculation, M/M, Minor Character Death, Vomiting, blood and murder but not detailed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 05:30:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20003089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reformedcharacter/pseuds/reformedcharacter
Summary: aaron begs robert to stay. robert leaves anyway.





	i'm gonna get on my knees (would you kick me in the face please?)

**Author's Note:**

> :)

Robert kills Lee on a Tuesday. 

He flees the country by Friday. 

A duffle bag sits between Aaron's legs from where he's perched on the end of a haystack. Rain is trickling through the slats of the roof of the barn and the smell of damp fills Aaron nostrils. Robert’s pacing, his trainers scuffing against the muddy floor. His phone is pressed tight to his ear, to a contact Aaron doesn’t want to know. Many times he had been tempted, when Robert’s phone had been right in front of him, to scroll through his contacts and select one at random; to see what kind of world his husband had known, in the end he decided he didn’t want to know. He still doesn’t. 

He absentmindedly kicks the duffle bag with his heel. Aaron’s old, battered Nike bag filled with underwear and a few clothes Aaron had dug out of their wardrobe, nestled somewhere in there is Robert’s passport, or, _Benjamin Harper_ ’s passport. Handed over to Robert by Cain at alarming speed, Aaron feels sick at the thought of Robert going by another name, in another country, so far away. 

Aaron’s eyes stay fixed on Robert like they have been for three days straight; he appears calm, controlled, as though the man he is talking to is merely a contact of Home James, but his hand is wrapped tight around his phone, and Aaron can remember just how much they were shaking. 

_He’d been at the pub at the time, discussing new babies with his mum, when he checked his phone and saw a total of thirty missed calls. Robert had been at a meeting, somewhere in Leeds he had said, so he’d gone to meet his mother without him. He’d rushed out of the pub, alerting the attention of Cain and Paddy as he ignored their calls. He’d ran home, Robert not picking up his desperate calls, and left the front door open as he shouted his husband’s name to no answer. He quickly checked downstairs for anything out of place and ran up the stairs, his breath jagged and chest heaving. He came to a stop in front of the open bathroom door and his jaw dropped._

_Robert, sat sprawled across the bathroom floor, had his head against the toilet bowl. His lips were inflamed and his cheeks red, stained by tears. His hands were shaking as they grasped the toilet and the smell of vomit filled the room. He wheezed, coughing against the air entering his lungs, and vomited again. Aaron, dropping to his knees beside him, whispered words of comfort to no avail. Stroking the back of his head, Aaron sat pressed against him, hushing and gathering him into his arms. Robert had continued to vomit._

_They sat there for an hour before Robert forced out the words._

_“I killed him.”_

“Aaron?”

Aaron jolts out of his reverie to see Robert standing before him; his hands on his waist and lip pulled between his teeth in concern. Aaron’s eyes scan Robert’s white shirt, as though looking for the red stains that once covered his torso. His clothes had been incinerated on the Dingle’s bonfire; white shirt and pressed trousers turning to dust alongside the dried blood that spoiled them. 

“You okay?” 

“You’re asking me that?” Aaron scoffs and kicks the duffle bag harder, a wave of anger continuing to wash over him. 

“Okay, sorry.” Robert has the decency to look bashful, sound apologetic, all of it futile. He continues, “Car’s on the way.” Robert’s words seem detached, the usual spark depleted and drained.

As Robert speaks Aaron feels the lump in his throat grow larger and the stilted tears in his eyes begin to fall. He stands, unbothered by the stray hay and dirt that covers him, and grasps Robert’s arms. Pulling him closer to him, he engulfs his body, wrapping his arms tightly around his husband as he falls down. 

They sit in silence for a few moments.

“Don’t go.” 

Aaron’s whisper breaks the silence of the empty barn. Tears fall down his cheek and fall into his open mouth, his arms wrapped almost too tight around Robert and chin tucked into his neck. 

Robert only tightens his hold. “I have to. You know I do.” 

Aaron pulls back slightly and faces Robert, so close his breath brushes across Robert’s lips, “Let me come with you.” 

Robert begins to shake his head before Aaron finishes, “You know you can’t.” 

“Yes, yes I can. I have nothing here if I don’t have you.” 

“Aaron, your entire life is here.” Robert pulls his arms away, wipes at his eyes and places them on his knees. “Your mum is here, Paddy, Vic -” 

“Exactly, Vic. She needs you here Rob.”

“If I stay here, I _will_ go to prison. I couldn’t get out of it. I’m not putting that on you, or Vic, or the baby.” 

“And what about _our_ baby?” Aaron gasps. 

Robert sighs loudly, “I’m coming back, Aaron. I don’t know when, or how, but I am and we can have everything we wanted, I _promise_.” 

“You can’t promise that.” 

“I can. We’re going to fake a break up, pretend we realised it couldn’t work. I’ll go away and eventually they’ll stop looking, and I can come back. We’re just on pause.”

Aaron gulps and pulls Robert back to him, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

_Cain had immediately swung into action, calling around for favours as Robert sat before them. He’d been silent, biting his nails as Aaron choked through the words. They’d kept it as minimal as possible: Cain, Chas, Paddy, Vic and Liv only. They’d sat in silence at first but surprisingly they did not turn their anger onto Robert; Vic taking him into her arms as the pair sobbed. Liv sought comfort in her big brother; falling into his lap as he wrapped his arms around her._

_They’d put a plan into effect to protect Robert as he and Vic sat engulfed in each other’s arms. Aaron could hear Vic shushing his husband as he endlessly whispered apologies, a hand pressed against her swollen belly. They’d said their goodbyes soon after, his sisters wrapped tightly around him. Paddy shaking his hand and Chas sobbing into his shoulder._

_Perhaps the only time Robert had truly felt part of a family was when he was leaving them._

They stay embraced for what feels like an eternity. In reality, just a few moments pass before the sound of gravel against rubber fills the air. 

“I need to go.” Robert whispers without loosening his hold. 

Aaron nods slightly, his chin rubbing against Robert’s shoulder. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you.” He pulls away and presses his lips softly against Aaron. The taste of salt fills Aaron’s mouth as he moves his lips slowly against his husband’s. He gasps, opening his lips wider and pressing against him harder. Aaron’s nails dig into Robert’s shoulders as Robert’s hands wrap tighter around his waist. 

They pull away slowly and press their foreheads together.

“Let me come with you.”

Robert slowly closes his eyes and shakes his head, “I will fix this, I just need to do it away from here. You deserve the world, and one day I’m going to give it to you.” He kisses his lips softly again and rises, taking Aaron with him.

“Look after yourself, Aaron.” 

“I will.”

Robert squeezes Aaron’s arms hard, rubbing his thumbs in circles. “Good.” 

“You have to, too.”

Robert nods, “I’ll be with Andy, I’ll be okay.” 

Aaron copies Robert’s nodding, not quite believing it. “Try and keep in touch.” 

Robert lets go of Aaron’s arms and reaches behind him to grab the small bag. He looks wrong, with so few belongings, and a hunched-over back. He knows how deep Robert’s guilt lies, not remorse or sympathy for the man, but a deep sense of shame reverberates from his skin and floods Aaron’s body. He sees him take a deep breath before turning back around to Aaron. 

“I’m not saying goodbye.” He states, and for the first time in a while, he seems confident in his words. 

“Me neither.” Aaron follows. 

“I’ll see you so soon.” He reaches over and squeezes Aaron’s hand hard, tangling their fingers together before releasing them slowly. 

“I could never say goodbye to you.”

“You never have to.” 

And with such, Robert smiles one last time and ducks out of the door. 

As the car drives away quickly, God knows who taking him to God knows where for God knows how long, Aaron falls to the ground. 

He wraps his arms around his knees and sobs into his thin cotton sleeves. 

He’ll stay there until Robert returns to pick him up.

  


A week later sees Aaron lying on Robert’s side of the bed. His phone pings alive with a text from an unknown number: _i’m safe._

Aaron slides a shaking thumb across the screen and presses delete. He falls asleep alone. 

A wedding ring sits cold in the bedside drawer. 

Alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @softlyaziraphale


End file.
